On Monday night, Stephen Colbert gathered his “best television friends” Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers and John Oliver on the couch after a monologue which focused on the war in the Middle East, Donald Trump’s latest slew of AI images and Sean Duffy’s return to reality TV.
Stephen Colbert
On The Late Show, Colbert discussed reports that the US president sent Iran a one-page memo last week outlining his peace plan. “I’m told we have a copy,” he joked, before flashing up a handwritten note in the style of a school kid’s love letter, which read: “Will you go to peace with me? Yes or no.”
Over the weekend, Iran responded to Trump’s proposal with a list of demands that included reparations for the war and full control over the strait of Hormuz. Tehran also said that it as willing to suspend development of its nuclear program but for a shorter time than the 20 years requested by Trump.
“Twenty years isn’t even that long,” laughed Colbert. “Anne Hathaway looks exactly the same. And if anything, Meryl Streep, Stanley Tucci and Emily Blunt are more radiant than ever.”
When asked on Monday about his plans to end the war, Trump said: “I have the best plan ever. It is a very simple plan … Iran cannot have a nuclear weapon. Very simple.”
“The only thing simpler than the plan is the man who has it,” deadpanned Colbert to audience applause.
The president spent this weekend’s Mother’s Day posting a slew of AI-generated images: some showed Trump surrounded by pink hearts while another proclaimed him “the greatest of all time”.
“He’s also engaging in some recreational idolatry,” Colbert said of a new 22ft Trump statue at his Miami golf club. “[It’s] surprisingly wrinkly. They forgot to steam out his pants, his shirt and his face.”
The host then turned to Duffy, the transportation secretary and a former reality television personality known for shows including The Real World: Boston and ESPN’s Great Outdoor Games. Over the weekend, Duffy announced his return to TV with a reality show called The Great American Road Trip, which sees him travel across the US with his wife and nine children.
“Well, it’s better than him trying to run stuff,” said Colbert. “Maybe he’ll inspire the rest of Trump’s cabinet to neglect their own jobs.”
Duffy’s reality show will see the family visiting historical landmarks across the country in a five-part YouTube series. In a trailer, the transportation secretary tells his family: “We need a song. We can’t do a road trip without the song.”
“Incorrect,” Colbert responded. “You can’t do a road trip without trying to pair the Bluetooth, failing, then accidentally connecting Mom’s phone – which is halfway through the horniest fantasy novel allowed by law: it’s about a guy who’s half-duke, half-horse, all penis.”
On Fox & Friends, Rachel Campos-Duffy, the transportation secretary’s wife, promised that the show would be a family-focused antidote to the “Pornhub world” that we live in. “Incidentally, ‘real good family stuff’ is one of the most popular categories on Pornhub,” joked Colbert.
Last week, the Pentagon released 160 never-before-seen files related to UFOs. In a Truth Social post, Trump said: “With these new documents and videos, the people can decide for themselves, ‘What the hell is going on?’ Have fun and enjoy!”
The documents include testimony from astronauts of seeing “very bright particles of light” in the distance and “flashes of light” inside the spaceship cabin. The host then claimed to have footage of Buzz Aldrin describing those flashes: in fact, he then played a brilliantly eccentric video of Céline Dion scatting.
